Birthers almost had it right (almost)

Barack Hussein Obama II was born August 4, 1961 in the Sea of Tranquility (note: he was conceived just to the east in the Sea of Fertility but exact details of that are being withheld for propriety’s sake). At the age of 8 he snuck aboard Apollo 11 while Neil was collecting rocks. Barack was the actual cause of the main engine lift’s damaged circuit breaker (clipped it while covering himself in duct tape so as to camouflage himself in the interior of the lunar module).

Barack was able to jump out early in the descent back to Earth, landing near Hawaii, while the rest of the crew returned home aboard the command module Columbia east of Wake Island.

Details of how Barack was able to convenience Armstrong to let him out of the module during descent and then the following faked documentation of early childhood are still unclear.